The Dual Process Model of Grief: A Practical Guide for Bereavement Counsellors
For most of the twentieth century, grief was described as a sequence of stages to be worked through in order. Practitioners now know that grieving people rarely move in straight lines. The dual process model, developed by Margaret Stroebe and Henk Schut, offers a more accurate and more compassionate map. This article explains the model and shows how bereavement counsellors use it to normalise experience and guide the work.
Two orientations, not stages
The model describes two kinds of stressor that bereaved people must cope with. Loss-oriented stressors concern the relationship with the person who has died: yearning, sadness, remembering, sorting through the meaning of the loss. Restoration-oriented stressors concern the life that must now be lived: learning tasks the deceased once handled, building new roles and identities, managing finances, relationships and daily routines.
Neither orientation is more important. Both are necessary, and both are exhausting.
Oscillation as the healthy pattern
The central insight of the model is oscillation. Healthy grieving involves moving back and forth between confronting the loss and avoiding it, between grief work and getting on with life. A widow who spends the morning in tears over photographs and the afternoon arguing with the bank is not being inconsistent. She is doing exactly what adaptive grief requires. Problems arise when someone becomes stuck in one orientation: either unable to engage with the reality of the loss, or unable to step away from it to attend to living.
What this means in the counselling room
Normalising: many clients feel guilty for 'forgetting' their grief while they are busy. The model gives permission for respite.
Assessment: noticing whether a client is predominantly loss-focused or restoration-focused helps identify where support is needed.
Pacing: sessions can deliberately alternate between emotional processing and practical problem-solving.
Working with families: members often oscillate on different rhythms, which creates conflict the model can explain.
Integration with other grief theories
The dual process model sits comfortably alongside continuing bonds, which holds that maintaining an inner relationship with the deceased is normal, and alongside meaning-reconstruction approaches that focus on how the bereaved rebuild a coherent story. Psychodynamic ideas about mourning and the internalisation of the lost object also fit within the loss orientation. A skilled practitioner draws on all of these rather than choosing one.
Cultural and individual variation
Oscillation looks different across cultures, genders and personalities. Some traditions structure loss-oriented time through ritual and mourning periods; others prize restoration and stoicism. Men in Ireland have often been socialised towards restoration-focused coping, which can be misread as avoidance. The model invites practitioners to ask what balance is adaptive for this person in this context rather than measuring everyone against a single template.
How ICPS College can help
If this topic is central to your work, the Professional Diploma in Bereavement, Loss & Grief at ICPS College is delivered live online, is CPD-accredited, and is designed for counsellors, psychotherapists, social care and healthcare professionals across Ireland and beyond.
Frequently asked questions
Is the dual process model better than the five stages of grief?
The five-stage model was never designed as a prescriptive sequence for bereavement and has weak empirical support as such. The dual process model better reflects how people actually grieve and is widely used in training.
How long does grief oscillation continue?
There is no fixed timeline. Oscillation typically becomes less intense and less frequent over months and years, but anniversaries and life events can reactivate loss-oriented grief indefinitely.
Can the dual process model be used with children?
Yes. Children often oscillate rapidly, sometimes within minutes, which the model helps parents and practitioners understand rather than mistake for indifference.
This article is for educational purposes and does not replace clinical supervision, professional training or individual therapy.
Comments