Domestic Violence: Recognising Coercive Control in Counselling Practice
Not all domestic violence leaves bruises. Coercive control is a pattern of behaviour designed to dominate, isolate and frighten a partner or family member, and it can operate for years without a single physical assault. Since 2019 it has been a criminal offence in Ireland under the Domestic Violence Act 2018, reflecting a growing recognition that the harm lies in the pattern, not in isolated incidents.
This article explains how coercive control works, why it is so often missed, including by professionals, how it presents in the counselling room, and what counsellors can do to recognise and respond safely.
What coercive control looks like
The term was developed by Evan Stark to describe a strategy of entrapment. Its tactics are cumulative and often individually minor: monitoring a partner's phone and movements, controlling money, dictating what they wear or whom they see, undermining their confidence, threatening them or their children, and punishing perceived disobedience with rage or withdrawal. Over time the victim adjusts their behaviour to avoid consequences until their world has shrunk to what the controlling partner permits.
Isolation from friends, family and sources of support.
Micro-regulation of daily life: food, clothing, sleep, movement.
Financial control, including preventing work or seizing wages.
Surveillance, including digital monitoring and tracking.
Degradation, gaslighting and the manipulation of the victim's sense of reality.
Threats, intimidation and the use of children as leverage.
Why coercive control is missed
Coercive control is easy to overlook because no single incident seems serious, because victims often minimise or cannot name what is happening, and because the controlling partner may present as charming, reasonable or even as the wronged party. Professionals trained to look for injuries can miss the pattern entirely. Victims may describe anxiety, low mood, confusion, exhaustion or relationship problems rather than abuse. Careful, curious questioning about the texture of daily life, who decides what, and what happens when the client says no, is far more revealing than asking whether someone has been hit.
Coercive control in the counselling room
Clients experiencing coercive control may seek counselling for stress, parenting difficulties or their own perceived failings. They may cancel frequently, arrive with a partner who insists on attending, or check their phone anxiously. They may defend the partner and blame themselves. Counsellors need to understand trauma bonding, the realistic dangers of leaving, and the way the victim's sense of reality has been eroded. Couples counselling is generally contraindicated where coercive control is present, as joint sessions can be used to further intimidate the victim.
Responding safely
The counsellor's role is not to rescue or to direct the client to leave, which can increase danger, but to name the pattern where the client is ready to hear it, to believe them, to assess risk, including risk to children, and to connect them with specialist services. In Ireland, organisations such as Women's Aid, Men's Aid and Safe Ireland offer expertise, and An Garda Síochána has dedicated responses to domestic abuse. Safety planning, careful record-keeping and awareness of reporting obligations, particularly where children are involved, are essential. Supervision helps practitioners manage the strong feelings this work evokes.
How ICPS College can help
If you want to build expertise in this area, the Professional Diploma in Domestic Violence & Sexual Abuse at ICPS College is delivered live online, is CPD-accredited, and is designed for counsellors, psychotherapists, social care and healthcare professionals across Ireland and beyond.
Frequently asked questions
Is coercive control a crime in Ireland?
Yes. Coercive control became a criminal offence under the Domestic Violence Act 2018, which came into force in January 2019. It applies to spouses, civil partners and intimate partners, and does not require physical violence.
Can men be victims of coercive control?
Yes. Coercive control can occur in any relationship, including same-sex relationships and where the victim is male. Services such as Men's Aid Ireland support male victims.
Should a counsellor tell a client to leave an abusive partner?
No. Leaving can be the most dangerous time, and the decision belongs to the client. Counsellors should name the pattern, assess risk, support safety planning and connect the client with specialist domestic abuse services.
This article is for educational purposes and does not replace clinical supervision, professional training or individual therapy.
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